Sunday, 18 September 2016




Fat as a distillery pig, lazy as a bear in winter, the morals of a psychotic cat. This is the Tao of panda demon, avatar of slothful malice. It dallies with all manner of other sins, or course - chiefly gluttony, greed and lust - but not too much mind you, it can’t really be bothered. Of all demons, its soul is perhaps the most relateable: It just wants to be comfortable. It just wants people to do things for it, it wants everyone to do everything for it, and it wants to be very comfortable indeed. That's reasonable, right?

Panda demons much prefer the mortal realm to their native sub-world hell, where they feel overworked and oppressed by more vigorous and dedicated demons. The mortal realm has freedom and an abundance of malleable victims. Once here they are happiest eating and drinking and smoking opium in luxury, their every whim catered for by ensorcelled followers. They prefer persuasion and bribery to brute force, and in the face of determined assault will try to cut a deal. Few can resist the lure of easy money through crime, although clever panda demons maintain a modicum of respectability. 

Its typical tactic is to masquerade as some minor divinity or genius loci, exchanging offerings for psychosomatic blessings and snippets of dubious wisdom, carefully administered; they prefer servants to victims and if they work hard at anything (which is really to say work hard at all), it is to build a cult of luxury and hedonism with which to satiate their bon vivant appetites.

The set up typically begins with promises of religious or philosophical enlightenment, but as its desired offerings become more elaborate, it swiftly expands into an aggressive multi-level marketing organisation and pyramid scheme. Its not easy to get to the cult leader once things  are decently underway..

Into the Odd

STR 18 DEX 7 WILL 12; HP 16
DRIVEN TO SEEK LUXURY AND EPICUREAN EXPERIENCES. Its honeyed tones damage the listeners' WILL (D6), its breath brings fatigue (roll STR and DEX tests with disadvantage)
Cult Detachment: 6 HP, various hand weapons (D6)
D4 arcana of expensive appearance
Gourmet Restaurant (D6G Income)
Pyramid Scheme (D8G Income)

Black Hack / General OSR

HD 4, Armour 1 (hide armour), Move slow human, Attacks aura of fatigue (save vs. Paralysation); suggestive voiceMorale 5

And now the full, 5th edition version in all its bloated and unnecessary glory:

5th Edition

Large Fiend (Yao), Neutral Evil 
AC 14 (natural armour), HP 68 (8dl0 + 24)
Speed 20ft., climb 20ft. 
STR 18 (+4) DEX 7 (-2) CON 16 (+3) 
INT 15 (+2) WIS 12 (+1) CHA 20 (+5) 
Saving Throws Wis +4, Con +6 
Skills Perception +4, Deception +8 
Damage Resistances cold, fire, lightning
Damage Immunities poison Condition Immunities poisoned 
Senses Darkvision 120ft., passive Perception 14 
Languages Celestial, Infernal, telepathy 120 ft. 
Challenge 5 (1,800 XP) 
Epicurean Senses: Panda demons have advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on smell or taste.
Aura of Sloth: Anyone within 20ft of the panda demon must succeed at a DC 16 CON save every minute or gain one level of exhaustion,
to a maximum of unconsciousness. They often surround themselves with sleeping innocents.
Too Cute: Anyone who meets the panda demon’s gaze must make a DC 16 Wisdom save or be charmed for one hour.
Silver Tongue: Anyone who hears the panda demon speak must succeed at a DC 16 Wis save or obey any reasonable-sounding suggestion it makes. 
Spirit Craft: A panda demon is equally adept at persuading spirits as it is mortals.
It’s spellcasting ability is Charisma (spell save DC 16).
It can innately cast druidcraft any number of times per day.
Once per week it may summon spirit guardians (the type depends on the genius loci of the place) and commune with nature.
Multiattack: When absolutely necessary, panda demons can attack with two claws and a bite. They loathe this level of exertion. 
Bite: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 11 (2d4 + 4) piercing damage. 
Claws: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 9 (2d6+ 4) slashing damage.
Yawn: Sends creatures into a magical slumber. Roll 8d8; the total is how many hit points of creatures this spell can affect, beginning with the lowest HP in range.  

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